Mayor McCheese

Still haven't decided who you'll be voting for in next week's mayoral election?

(Or, more likely, don't even know that there's a mayoral election next week?)

You're not alone. As a service to Franklin Avenue readers, we've compiled the candidates' campaign slogans -- straight off their websites and/or TV commercials -- as well as bio tidbits. No, they don't offer up much insight. But sad to say, just by reading these capsules you'll be more informed than 85% of the population, most of whom still believe Arnold Schwarzenegger is L.A.'s mayor.

Jim Hahn

Slogan (from the TV ad): "Tough Decisions. Right choices for L.A.'s future."
From his bio: Hahn's son, Jackson, served as Student Body President at his elementary school.
Interesting fact: Apparently Hahn is currently mayor of Los Angeles.

Antonio Villaraigosa

Slogan (from the website): "Hands-on leadership, straight from the heart."
From his bio: Villaraigosa's dogs are named Butterscotch and Caramelo. (They sound delicious.)
Interesting fact: Isn't really creepy, just his slogan is.

Bob Hertzberg

Slogan (from the TV ad): "Big city. Big job."
From his bio: Sorry, no unusual personal tidbit, other than the cutesy "Mod Squad" title he and fellow moderate Dems in the state Assembly called themselves.
Interesting fact: Not really 27 feet tall. Also, turned down suggestion that he refer to himself as "Hertz-so-good-Berg"

Bernard Parks

Slogan (from website): "Because Los Angeles Belongs to All of Us"
From his bio: Having coached Baldwin Hills Youth Football for ten years, is apparently behind the career of retired NFL star Warren Moon.
Interesting fact: Doesn't literally mean that L.A. belongs to all of us. So put that back.

Richard Alarcon

Slogan (from website): "Building Middle Class Dreams"
Slogan (from TV ads): "The Senator for Mayor"
From his bio: Received a key endorsement from TV's George Lopez.
Interesting fact: When he says "middle class dreams," he doesn't mean that sick, sick one you had the other night involving Rebecca Romijn.

Walter Moore

Slogan (from website): "Moore is Better"
From his bio: Compares his outrage with Hahn's pricy LAX plan to the colonies' beef with the British in 1776.
Interesting fact: Slogan similar to ones used in student council elections across the country by kids with the last name "Moore."

Addie Miller

Slogan (from website): "Connected To People Of All Walks Of Life"
From her bio: Explains why she should get the job: "I am a breathing in and out living organism, I was born of love, I was born to a union of two people, and I am a child of the Creator and I am a member of the Universe and I have the right to be here and be the Mayor of the City of Los Angeles. Thank you."
Interesting fact Only mayoral candidate to wish President Bush a happy birthday on their website. (Really!)

Bill Wyatt

Slogan (from website): "Never Forget, Never Give Up, Remember Secession!"
From his bio: Apparently has campaign fever: Ran for office in 2002's Hollywood secession election (and lost when Hollywood didn't secede); ran in 2003's gubernatorial recall election (got upstaged by this guy Schwarzenegger); ran against Bush in the Republican primaries in five states (and scored 10% of the vote in Oklahoma!).
Interesting tidbit: When not running for elective office, Wyatt has a job.