"Dear Michael Schneider," the press release begins. "Who doesn’t love celebrity weddings?"
Um, a lot of people?
"Wouldn't it be great to be formally invited to one and also privy to what took place for the two lovebirds prior to their big day?"
Really? do I have to?
"Well, the closest anyone may get this year to something like that is the next best thing - the wedding of Gabriel and Tracee. Before you ask ‘who?’ please read the press release below to find out…"
Sigh. OK. I give up, I don't know who Gabriel and Tracee are. I'll read your press release.
Unusual Wedding Invitations Mailed; How You Made the Guest List
Raleigh, NC, June 11, 2012 – The wedding season has officially begun and if you received your formal wedding invitation by mail, then you already know Gabriel Washington and Tracee Andrews have plans of marrying soon. And everyone who's anyone is invited. With a hopeful number of one million or more in attendance, this endless guest list will make this literally the biggest wedding event in history - even though the two are NOT A-list celebrities. We should also mention…they're NOT actually real people either. They are characters in Second Thoughts (Pendium Publishing), a hot new tale by E. Dean Arnold, that explores what happens when you meet “the one” really meant for you…but possibly at the worst time ever; as in the very week you’re all set to say “I do” to another.
Wait, what just happened here? You're pitching a book?
Meanwhile, one more press release. Perhaps a bit more practical, although fully unrelated to what I write about for a living. Still, you got to admire the stretch the "Chimney Safety Institute of America" goes through in order to promote their safety recommendations. They've been waiting years for this, I'm guessing:
Chimney Safety Institute of America offers tips for preventing your home’s hidden fire hazard
INDIANAPOLIS – Robert DeNiro’s apartment fire this weekend is a reminder to homeowners of the potential hazards of dryer lint build-up. The Chimney Safety Institute of America recommends annual clothes dryer vent inspections and provides advice to homeowners to prevent such damages.
There are a number of things that you should do to protect your home from fire - and one of the most important (and sometimes ignored) starts with your dryer vent.
The secret? Clean your lint trap. There you go, your Press Releases of the Day!