Franklin Avenue

First Date Follies
Last night, enjoying a late dinner at new restaurant Opaline (rate-a-restaurant review to come!), Maria and I sat right next to a couple out on their first date.

And perhaps their last.

The painful give-and-take between the two made it tough for us to concentrate on our own dinner, since we couldn't help but eavesdrop. It started when we overheard the guy trying to impress his date (?!) by reciting the state fish of Hawai'i-- the humuhumunukunukuapua'a.

Now, it's questionable to begin with why you'd decide this would score you points. But even worse, our poor suitor couldn't spit it out. After four tries he gave up. At that point I had to fight the urge to lean over and score my own points by saying it right.

Next up on the boneheaded moves list, the guy thought it would be flattering to compare his date to--of all things--an obscure reference: David Letterman's assistant Stephanie, who appears on the "Late Show" from time to time. Huh? If you have to go on and on to explain what you mean and why you think there's a resemblance, you're in trouble. At one point the guy had to justify that "she's cute-- honest!" while continuing to dig a hole. I quietly saw what he meant-- Letterman's Stephanie sounds a little aloof and flighty, and so did this guy's date. But is that how you flatter a girl?

Of course, she wasn't exactly a gem, either. Witness this exchange:
HIM: So Rodney from KROQ is on the cover of this week's L.A. Weekly.
HER: Who?
HIM:You know, Rodney from KROQ.
HER: Huh? Oh, you mean Rodney the Fish?
HIM: Huh?

The guy, by the way, claimed that the L.A. Philharmonic had performed some of his music (sounds like he was a composer of some sorts-- but still in his late 30s).
She tried to engage him-- "Isn't the L.A. Phil conducted by some Esa Pekka whosit?"
Esa-Pekka Salonen, the guy leaned over and stressed in his "Ha, ha, let me teach you a few cultured things, little girl" voice.

Maria noticed that the girl every once in a while would drop a few hints on the dude-- "Oh, I've had a long day, and probably should call it a night." But did our clueless bachelor tune in to those subtle suggestions that he's lost the battle? Of course not.

Meanwhile, Maria and I had drinks at the bar, had appetizers, dinner and (me, at least) one more drink and then even paid our check, entering and exiting while their painfully long date went on and on. According to Maria, the girl mentioned this to the guy as well-- another hint, totally missed by the guy, that it was time for them to go.

Screw "Blind Date" or any of those other syndicated dating shows... Maria and I watched the real thing last night!