The Best November Sweeps Ever
The gods have been good to tabloid news shows and local assignment desks this month. Cheers to everyone who made it possible:
Thank you, Paris Hilton, for dating a man with a night vision video camera.
Thank you, Michael Jackson, for still hanging out with 12-year-old boys, forcing a raid on the Neverland ranch Tuesday.
Thank you, Scott Peterson, for being such an evil dick, and not hiding that smirk on your face.
Thank you, Arnold Schwarzenegger, for taking advantage of democracy run amok.
Thank you, Elizabeth Smart, for being one weird little kidnapped kid.
Thank you, Jessica Lynch, for not remembering what happened to you... until your book and movie came out.
Thank you, shark, for gnawing off that 13-year-old surfer girl's arm.
Thank you, Kobe Bryant, for making the airwaves safe once again for graphic descriptions of sexual encounters by famous people.
Thank you, Rush Limbaugh, for your taste in cheap pills and cheaper hypocrisy.
Thank you, Rosie O'Donnell, for finding time to sue a publishing giant and open a major Broadway production at the same time.
Thank you, Britney Spears, for realizing that kissing Madonna at the VMAs was solast August, and it was time to up the ante: Cry on Diane Sawyer's shoulder.
It's through all of your hard work in making sure you fed the November news cycle that this will go down as one of the best sweeps months in a long time. Kudos, really.
And I haven't even mentioned some of my favorite sweeps packages on the local stations. For starters, tonight's hard-nosed report on KCAL-9 News: "Porn in the U.S.A." (Tonight at 10!)
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