Zucker Flambe

NBC Universal TV Group president Jeff Zucker was in the hot seat Wednesday night, as the Hollywood Radio and Television Society (or NAMBLA)* held its first-ever exec roast.

In a town where you usually spit at an exec behind their back, throwing a roast -- and getting a high-profile muckety-muck to actually agree to the process -- is nothing short of a miracle, so my tip o' the hat to HRTS for pulling it off.

Some of the flames were hit and miss, as few of the roasters really went for the jugular. (If anything, Zucker -- who spewed a few choice zingers of his own at the end of the night -- gave better than he got.) We get it. He's short. He's bald. And yes, he's short and bald. Oh hey, did you hear? Jeff Zucker's short and bald! Bald and short! (Crickets chirp.)

But there were still quite a few slam dunks. HRTS president/WB CEO Jordan Levin got a load of laughs early in the evening, when he explained who hadn't been invited: "E!'s Mindy Herman was too likely to beat us up in a strip club parking lot... plus, she would have stolen all of the gift bags."

"Will & Grace" star Sean Hayes explained why Zucker was moving back to NBC headquarters in New York: "You can only get so far up (Bob Wright's) ass on conference calls."

Former ABC and NBC exec Ted Harbert stole the show, starting with his take on Zucker's decision to fire Harbert as head of NBC Studios and hire Kevin Reilly to take over as head of NBC Entertainment: "I'd like to be the first publicly to refer to Kevin Reilly as a 'job-stealing motherfucker.'" Harbert also said Zucker deserves at least 5%-7% of the credit for NBC's success, and that he has earned the 'Joyce DeWitt Award' for luckiest sumbitch in the biz. Particularly because it hasn't been easy running the entertainment division in L.A. "when you're in New York on corporate autosuck."

Other highlights included strong videos by Al Gore, George Bush I and Bob Costas, who earned host Darrell Hammond's respect by referring to Zucker as a "douchebag." ("I have lived my whole life to hear Bob Costas say 'douchebag,'" the "Saturday Night Live" star mused.)

Former ABC exec and now between-jobs Lloyd Braun also submitted a video, sharing his new life post-network presidency: Lying around the house in shorts and a robe, waiting in vain for the phone to ring and helping the maid scrub some dishes.

Jay Leno, meanwhile, died on the vine with a laugh-free video -- and then surprised the crowd by showing up on stage, where he died on the vine all over again.

"I never thought I'd see a day where Al Gore was more funny than Jay Leno," quipped roastmaster extraordinaire Jeff Ross. (Ross also noted that "Donald Trump wanted to be here, but he broke his back carrying the network.")

Also taking turns were Kathy Griffin, "American Dreams" exec producer Jonathan Prince, "Scrubs" star Donald Faison, UTA's Jay Sures, CAA's Alan Berger, EMI's Phil Quartararo and "Come to Papa" star Tom Papa.

Zucker round out the night, telling Griffin he appreciated her appearance ("I know how hard it is to get a shift covered at Starbucks") and telling Prince, "You're luck people can't yawn and boo at the same time." To Harbert, he admitted the exec was "actually funny" and had a "real talent for picking winners" -- and then asked "How did that Gephardt fundraiser go?"

Zucker's final word of advice: "Never say no to a man named Burnett or Wolf... unless they're coming on to you at a Christmas party."

*(apologies to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart)