Blow Out: The Ride

Yup, that's Morrissey lookalike (OK, a younger, smirkier Morrissey) Jonathan Antin, he of the Bravo series "Blow Out" (and his Jonathan Salon, soon to go worldwide), sitting right behind me on Universal Studios' "The Mummy: The Ride."

Beyond marveling Antin's tan, you gotta wonder, how does he manage to still pull off the Zoolander/"Blue Steel" facial expression -- while riding a fast-moving rollercoaster?! Impressive.

Meanwhile, that's fellow Varietyites Denise and Geoff next to me; Denise, in particular, screaming for her life (and digging her claws into poor Geoff). Lucky for her -- and disappointing to the rest of us -- The Mummy ride is over almost as soon as it begins. The heavily hyped ride starts off with few Space Mountain-style twists and turns inside dark environs, then suddenly comes to a quick halt and jolts backwards. Pretty cool, original feature -- but you're racing back for only a few seconds before POOF! A large burst of dry ice (which quickly dried out Denise's contacts) and the ride is over.

"The Mummy: The Ride" is a tad more thrilling than the one it replaced, "ET: The Ride." (Yup, betcha didn't realize, they axed ET!) But is it worth standing in line for two hours? Not quite.

The ride was also tempermental at Universal. Not only did it break down a few times, but a handful of TV reporters were stuck inside for a few minutes. Oops. Not the best time for a malfunction.