I'm in a Blue State.

Literally. Ahh, the heartbreak, frustration and anger of Election 2004.

But I'm used to it. First election I can recall was 1980, when I was 7 and living in the Philippines. Satellite transmission wasn't yet in regular use, so we had to listen to live returns via Armed Forces Radio. I remember my mom growing disappointed as Carter's loss became apparent.

In 1984, I was the only kid in my Oklahoma sixth grade class to vote Mondale in our mock elections. I wasn't popular. This didn't help.

Fast forward to 1988. Old enough to care, I had my parents drive me down to Hawaii's Democratic headquarters, where I loaded up on Dukakis/Bentsen bumper stickers. I remember being heartbroken that night. But it was a good lesson for a 15-year-old -- and in Hawaii, all politics really are local anyway.

The came 1992. A sophomore at Northwestern, and my first ever vote. I punched for Clinton, and also for Illinois Sen. Carol Moseley Braun (the excitement of helping vote in the first-ever female African-American senator... who yes, later wound up disappointing.) But my candidate for Governor lost --big time.

1994. The Republican Revolution. My roommates and I sat there, dumbfounded. My poli sci professor tried to rationalize it: Americans like mixing things up, keeping the executive one party, and the legislative branch the other. (His theory, however, has been proven wrong for several years now.)

1996. The least heartbreaking election of my life. Just a few months after moving to Los Angeles, my first chance to vote here. The election was decided early. Things seemed much simpler then.

2000. Yeah. You remember this one. But the stakes were different in 2000. And we were all too exhausted to fight. So even this didn't sting as bad as...

2004. Now, the pessimist in me never believed Kerry had a shot. Even in the final days, when just about everyone was predicting a Kerry victory, it still didn't seem possible. And I was right. But the most depressing aspect of all was the culture of fear that sent so many people to the polls Tuesday.

The fact that anti-gay propositions fueled Bush's victory is completely disheartening -- and the reality that moral issues outweighed everything else for a huge chunk of voters is downright shocking. We were fooled into supporting what increasingly looks like an unwinnable war, our deficit has soared to unthinkable levels, the rest of the world hates us... but the electorate is more freaked out by the idea that gays want to be treated as human beings. I just don't know what to say.

Believe it or not, I got much of my frustration out in a dream last night. In the dream, I screamed at the top of my lungs, then took a stick and started bounding on a trash bin. Didn't help. Maybe I'll do it while awake.

And that concludes my partisan rant. I know, we're more fun when we're trying to name our baby or throwing a race around Los Angeles.