Warning: Baby Post Ahead

Evan hit his one-month mark yesterday, and I gotta tell ya, in just four weeks we've already learned a lot. We're not quite seasoned parents, obviously, but after you're handed a newborn and suddenly sent back home, it's all baptism by fire.

What have we absorbed so far?

:: Throw out most of those baby books. You head into things with the best of intentions -- "Oh, we're going to make sure he sleeps only in the crib" -- but you learn to do whatever makes him (a) stop crying and (b) go to sleep. (And no, that doesn't include dipping my vodka-laced finger in his mouth.)

:: From the Things You Never Really Thought About Dept.: Babies fart. (Who knew?) They also will cry for no reason at all, yet they don't seem upset when they hiccup, causing their entire tiny body to violently shake.

:: Speaking of all things scatological, I never thought I'd be so excited over another human being's bowel movements. But since it's a sign that he's eating properly, we cheer at each wet or soiled diaper. Maria and I have even launched a game (reality show producers, take note): "Wet, Dirty or Both?" Only Evan knows for sure. (Most of the time, my money's on "both.")

:: Now that I'm part of the "club," several dads have sheepishly admitted to me that they ocassionally poked their sleeping newborn just to make sure he was still breathing. I freely admit I've done the same thing -- it's always a relief to then see his hand twitch or foot move.

:: After throwing those books away, you realize you still know nothing. Crying too much? Crying too little? Either way, you wonder if he's OK. And you never really know for sure. Apparently part of being a new parent is having to go on blind faith that -- barring some obvious problem, like a fever -- your baby is fine.

:: You also never realize that breast feeding is truly a full time job. Again, never had much reason to contemplate it. And our childless friends don't get it: "Wait, don't the babies just latch on and drink?" As if I didn't already bow down in awe to what mothers have to do in the delivery room and the nine months leading up to it, this further shows me why we should forever be indebted to our moms.

:: Speaking of breast feeding, being a new dad suddenly means dicussing things with veteran parents -- both male and female -- that normally would be socially unacceptable. And uncomfortable.

:: As if stories of sick kids or children in danger weren't already moving. After you have a kid, you get down right emotional in reading or watching stories of babies or small kids in trouble.